You say curves, I think body image.
And when I think of body image, I picture this week’s post cards from Post Secret:
And that disturbs me.
For the longest time, I didn’t have any curves: I was a walking, talking scarecrow who breathed. And though this sounds great on the surface (Oh, to be THIN!), it wasn’t, at least to me. I wanted boobs. And I wasn’t going to be stingy about it – I wanted handfuls, just something for a man to hang on to.
But alas, I didn’t develop like I wanted to and was I stuck with size “B” bumps.
Then, I had children and suddenly, I had curves were there were none before. My breasts swelled to a size “C” (and stayed there) and where in the world did these hips come from? (I was thrilled about the breasts, the hips? Not so much).
Now that I had curves, you would think I would be happy, right?
Wrong. Suddenly, I wanted my hips to reduce and my waist to come back, neither of which has happened, by the way.
I wasn’t happy with my body then, and I’m not happy with my body now. And my point is: is anyone ever really happy with every aspect of their body, even when they achieve their goals?
Of course not. Part of that is our desire to be better, to be perfect. I think most of us have an innate desire to improve ourselves. But I think a large portion of how we feel about our curves, or lack thereof, comes from society and the picture they have shoved down our throats about what is beautiful, and what is not.
Take the above post cards, for example.
The first one, she obtained her goal. She had her surgery and she was now beautiful and thin. And yet, she’s still not happy because her shield, or her size, was no longer available for her to hide behind. This is a classic case of be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. And when you get it, can you handle it?
The second one, she’s thin, but not thin enough. She wants more, she’s never satisfied and I’m guessing will never be satisfied with her appearance until her inner expectations change: a classic case of wanting more and never quite getting more. When does the wanting stop?
I think women obsess about curves way too much. I think men obsess about curves way too much (but then again, they’re sort of programmed to think that way, so they have an excuse). Women want to look like the models, the ones who portray our idea of beauty, yet they don’t want to work for it – it takes time, discipline and motivation to obtain that rock hard body, or they’re simply not physically built the same way and no matter how hard you try, those birthing hips? Will never slim down because your bone structure is different.
When we will learn to be satisfied with who we are? In whatever shape we’re in? I mean granted, a person shouldn’t be so large that it interferes with his/her health, or give up on his/her appearance simply because it’s easier to do that than to exercise restraint, but if a person is larger because they are simply built that way, why can’t we just be okay with that fact?
When we will accept the fact that we are who we are and stop worrying about becoming someone else? Life is too short to be miserable, either make improvements and be satisfied with those improvements, or stop worrying about it and enjoy life.
I think I have finally accepted the fact that I’m an Amazon woman. I’m a big woman, not in the physical sense but in the physical presence sense. I will never be petite and no matter how much I close my eyes and mutter my wishes under my breath, I will never be the size I wish I could be. I’m tall and wish I could be shorter. I’m average weight for my height but wish I could weigh lighter. I wish … I wish … I wish … I want … I want … I want …
You know what? Screw it. I’m a curvy woman and I’m okay with that.
What about you? Have you accepted the way you look? Or are you still trying to fix yourself?
Write From Karen 
I think we must have been having similar thoughts this week. I’m always wishing for less in terms of my body size, but I know that I’m happiest when i think that right now is just fine. I wrote about this same thing this week! Who knew? 🙂
And now I’m off to have a brownie.
it’s great that you feel okay with yourself. That is a healthy attitude! I wish I was Taller like you! I wish I wish I wish sometimes, as many do! Then there are days, where I really am thankful I am just the way I am.
nice post Karen! 🙂
Nice post. Women used to be too skinny – now they’re too fat. I think that even in the cave days, women were probably unhappy with what they saw reflected in the water. But it is so frustrating – particularly when little kids hurl words like “fat” as an insult.
Oh Anita, I’m so sorry to hear that. Talk about living your life on opposite sides of the spectrum!
Oh this is a subject near and dear to my heart! I went through my teenage life as “the chubby one” and absolutely hated it. Right after I graduated, I developed Crohns. Now I’m super-skinny – no curves and certainly no boobs. Two kids later (still no boobs) and still super-skinny.
I get so many “oh I wish I was a skinny as you”. It doesn’t take me long to explain to them no, they don’t. The skinny I am isn’t healthy at all. It’s due to my illness that I look the way I do.
You’ll often find me saying … yeah, thanks. However, I’d much rather be Healthy & Plump instead of Skinny & Sick!
There should be TV shows about people who “are” happy with their bodies. That’s more of a rarity!
it baffles me why this never seems to be a “guy thing” much – you never hear them wailing about getting their mother’s thighs while they polish off the danish — people – all – need to feel the beautiful from an internal base and let it be mirrored to the world – i always feel more attractive when i’m in balance, it feels like people validate that by how they respond to me – i love the contrast in your piece
Oops, sorry – I left the wrong URL. My apologies. This one is correct.
Weight is a funny thing – I don’t judge because I used to be like the postcards – thin and beautiful, lots of curves, and I thought I was ugly & unloveable, and then after my first two children I lost a lot of weight and was beautiful again.
The the 2 c-sections came, twins, the hypothyroid, candidia… all terrible tragedies on the waistline. And I finally came to a new place – I don’t care how I look so much as how much I want to live. It’s not an easy path I’ve chosen, but I know if I do these things I’ll live a long, healthy life. Isn’t that really what it’s about? Not being thin, but beautiful in appreciating life?
Great post! Oh, and be glad your an Amazon woman – I’m 5 foot. Sigh – I think I’d trade my present double d’s for you past b’s if I could have your height. Although, I’ve given my daughter this consolation – she’ll never date anyone shorter than her! 🙂
Thank you for your feedback!
You’re absolutely right – weight is about so much more than restraint, image and perceptions – choice and emotion is a LARGE part of it.
“I mean granted, a person shouldn’t be so large that it interferes with his/her health, or give up on his/her appearance simply because it’s easier to do that than to exercise restraint, but if a person is larger because they are simply built that way, why can’t we just be okay with that fact?” Because this statement is laced with judgment. That’s why women can’t get past the body image issue. It’s not your fault that you have this misconception, it’s the perception that people are fed. Weight is not about restraint….it’s about choice and emotion! Some people are more hard wired to care about it than others. I know of cases were the perfect hard bodied person has won body building contests and is bulimic but no one knows. No restraint there, also hiding behind that perfect body is a plethora of issues. This issue is never visited enough! Well done. I appreciate where you were going with this! Thanks for sharing!